Thich Nhat Hanh on the Third Buddhist Precept: Sexual Responsibility

For those interested in Buddhism or sexual ethics, this essay by Thich Nhat Hanh is well worth the read. It’s different from what I usually see on the subject. While Thich Nhat Hanh has long been one of my heroes (a key figure in my 20 or so years of Buddhist practice), I didn't find his writings particularly helpful in the immediate wake of misconduct. But now, the misconduct is more distant and it's helpful to happen upon this.

Here are some sections that seem particularly insightful to me.

"'Responsibility' is the key word in the Third Precept. In a community of practice, if there is no sexual misconduct, if the community practices this precept well, there will be stability and peace. This precept should be practiced by everyone.... If you don't practice this precept, you may become irresponsible and create trouble in the community at large. We have all seen this. If a teacher cannot refrain from sleeping with one of his or her students, he or she will destroy everything, possibly for several generations.

Amen to that.

"Adults who were molested as children continue to suffer very much. Everything they think, do, and say bears the mark of that wound. They want to transform themselves and heal their wound, and the best way to do this is to observe the Third Precept. Because of their own experience, they can say, 'As a victim of sexual abuse, I undertake to protect all children and adults from sexual abuse.'"

I once read of a Zen survivor of abuse who made the abuse her koan. It seemed a perfect fit to me. Perhaps this is why I still care about this subject so many years later.

"We have to restore the meaning of the word 'love.' We have been using it in a careless way. When we say, "I love hamburgers," we are not talking about love. We are talking about our appetite, our desire for hamburgers.... Love is maitri, the capacity to bring joy and happiness, and karuna, the capacity to transform pain and suffering. This kind of love can only be good for people."

This quote touches and helps heal what can be one of the most profound hurts of sexual misconduct -- the abuse of the word love. It's deeply confusing to have an abusive mininster tell you that s/he loves you. It both does and doesn't feel like love. And this makes sense. The victim is more like a hamburger.