Is Conflict Really the Issue?

Dan Harper recently blogged about conflict and the Alban Institute. (See A Word About Conflict.) This brings up a host of difficult memories for me. Because of the Alban Institute model, back in our worst days my congregation was told we had a Level 5 conflict. We were also told that Level 6 was war.

In retrospect, many in our congregation came to the conclusion that it was a misdiagnosis, doing more damage than good. It wasn't that we didn't have conflict. We did. And it wasn't that the Alban Institute model is bad. I expect it's very helpful when conflict really is the issue. It was more like telling someone with stomach cancer that the problem is the pain in his back. The "experts" missed the real problem. It was abuse of power.

Perhaps the Alban Institute has improved their model, or perhaps it was applied incorrectly with our congregation. I don't know. But I do know that when used with us, the model not only sidestepped the whole issue of clergy misconduct, it presumed relatively equal power.

In the end, what turned us around was having grief counselors. They came and talked with anyone in the congregation who wanted to talk to them. They put in hundreds of hours all told.

There was, as it turned out, tremendous pain experienced by many people, and that was what was behind the anger and seeming conflict. It wasn't just the victims that experienced this pain, and the pain wasn't all the same. I suppose if there was a recurring theme it was a loss of innocence -- coming to terms with learning that someone once deeply trusted was, in fact, not what he seemed. This in turn meant coming to terms with one's own imperfect judgment, and struggling to learn how to trust again. But we did it, and I hope others have learned from us.