Why Stay: Seeing Beyond Balance Sheets

“Leading a life of spiritual integrity is not easy.”

Today’s was one of those sermons that cut to the bone. Perhaps it was because it was based in the Beatitudes. Or perhaps it’s because it was delivered from the heart, with great depth of spirit and thought. No matter what, it was the kind of Sunday that lets me know, despite it all, church is one of the three best things in my life.

Two of the takeaways....

First, the minister talked of the mental balance sheet he’d kept in a previous religious life. Bingo. That’s what I’m doing all the time when I consider UU clergy misconduct and how poorly our denomination handles it. I wish I could escape the two-dimensional viewpoint. The stakes are very high for me. Fortunately, unlike many others who have suffered from misconduct, the positive balance is significant. But that’s based on the local level. When the national level is weighed in, it’s not so good.

Second, the Beatitudes themselves offer solace. Simply the beauty of the words and the soul behind them might be enough. But when the minister spoke of mercy and forgiveness, it occurred to me perhaps this is the dimension beyond my balance sheet perspective? People often ask me if I’ve forgiven the perpetrator in my case. I usually find this question offensive, but more than that, it’s puzzling. I’m not sure what they mean. If they asked instead if I forgave those who bungled the case, it would be so much easier to answer. The answer is basically yes. I have to work at it – particularly of late, when the same mistakes are being repeated. But because I think the errors are caused more by ignorance than malice, even now it’s possible to forgive. Not easy. But possible. I suppose if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be able to remain UU.