Postscript

Friends,

A couple of things have come up.

First, I emailed the Faith Trust Institute to bring them up-to-date. To my surprise and sorrow, I learned that, due to budget challenges, they no longer have the capacity to do individual advocacy for victims. Because of this, I must retract my recommendation that victims of UU clergy misconduct contact them.

The question now becomes what to advise victims instead? Ultimately, I've learned that this question really is what's the least bad choice. There are no good choices.

Of course, the experience of being a victim varies. With the Faith Trust Institute no longer being an option, I'm more concerned about over-generalizing. Still, given the current realities, I doubt filing a formal complaint with the UUA is going to be the best choice for anyone. A few years ago, it was different, and it could change again, but it seems most unlikely that that will happen any time soon. If it does, I expect you will know. It will probably be accompanied by another apology on the order of the one issued at General Assembly 2000.

Assuming a formal complaint is not a viable option, then what can a victim do? I would suggest a series of things. First off, and I hate to say this, but be very cautious about whom you trust, particularly within your congregational and faith communities. Second, find the rape crisis center or domestic violence shelter nearest you. While hopefully it isn’t rape or domestic violence you have experienced, nonetheless they are likely to know the best resources to help you. For example, they can probably advise you on attorneys to contact.

Speaking of lawyers, this is a topic I've tiptoed around, because of not wanting to be adversarial. However, it’s a virtual certainty that you will need protection, particularly if you are going to do the responsible thing and let the association know that a particular minister has abused their position.

While it should not be that you are attacked and undermined, that’s really the whole point of this blog. The fact is that’s been the experience of every other victim of UU clergy misconduct whom I’ve known. The particulars have varied over the years, but that much is consistent. And for most of us, this subsequent reality has been much worse than the original abuse.

The other big impediment to hiring an attorney is the cost. But think of it as an investment in your happiness and quality of life. It’s as if your house burned down. Yes, insurance should pay everything, but no it won’t. And just because you are hiring an attorney doesn’t mean you are committing to suing anyone. You’re just doing a responsible job of exploring your least bad choices.

The second thing is that several of you have asked me not to take this blog down. It came as a big surprise to me. You really touched me, and I'm very grateful. If I’m hearing you correctly, you are saying to just shut the comments off and stop updating it, but leave it up.

While not wanting to be adversarial is my primary motivation, there are also some personal things that lead me towards taking it down. Some of this is private, but one of those things may be good to talk about a little more.

That’s how this work has again become a shackle for my heart (for lack of a better word). It certainly wasn’t when I began the blog. I wouldn’t have started it if I’d known this would happen.

These days I frequently recall one of the teachers (and a fellow survivor) at the Marie Fortune retreat I attended. She said with great passion, “Don’t let them steal your spiritual practice from you.” By “them” she meant not just the perpetrators, but also the system.

Dear readers, I feel a call to let go and watch the wild geese head home. I want to touch the starlight, laugh with friends, and do what I am good at. I will leave comments on for a few more days, then shut them off, and heed the call of my heart.